Always look forward

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


{2010/08/17}   Swirling Shadows

After all this time I all can see are dark, grey clouds continuing to cover my beautiful, clear sky that I always bathe under without a second thought. As times got more uncertain, I had little choice, but to give up my adoring sky for storms waging a war against the very self I would always try to seal away. A self that could cover my skies for a while before giving in to my rays of light thoughts, pretending as if I never learned any meaning in pain. As if, I never knew there was such thing as a shadow that just wants to grip you till you fight back so hard that it can no longer land a single scar upon your colorful memories. Though from time to time, I’d be reminded of that intimidating shadow that would linger on a tiny portion of my sky until it engulfs me in darkness. Letting me remember all of the times, I’ve felt pain like no other, fear that I never knew I could experience, and a loneliness that would blind me into never letting me let down my guard. Rains would escape my eyes once more, and a voice crying for nothing but attention, sneaking someone for comfort. Anyone. Just someone…so I can just see a bit on my clear skies once more. For now, I’ll just close my eyes and let it let loose all my emotions, in ways that would give me or the other pain. In ways, that help others, but makes the shadow storms around more getting stronger, and more defined as I wonder, who am I? Or just let myself succumb to it, and let loose the little raindrops just because of a needle pricking my finger.

Once more I shall fight the shadow, but let a bit of it live in and eventually let it grow again. Forcing me back into the shadows, and letting it feed on me until I charge it again with strength that changes my skies to a peaceful heaven once more. An endless war that will be continued to be waged in me. Maybe one day, I will win the war, but now is not the time, but this time…I feel like I was truly suffering. Not when the first storms raged against my weak grounds due to my inferior strength, but the strongest storm I’ve ever felt. Just for now, I’ll let it feel a little longer till I have the strength a to fight back.

Rereading this…this sounds more epic than my normal lifestyle. Oh well.

Bye bye

Till another war or a bearer of good news comes once more again. Farewell.

{2010/08/07}   What am I missing?

Life has been fun? Yes.

Am I enjoying myself? Yes.

Though what do I feel like I’m missing?

The joy of roller skating? I highly doubt that.

The joy of missing little kids? No (though I do miss Nam’s little sister, and Bao’s little sister)

So what could it be? Simple…hanging out with everyone I know. Meghana. Eshita. Liz. Luna. Kim. Bao. Nam. Who knows who else…

My high school friends…I shouldn’t worry too much because we will always see each other till we graduate. College friends…the only ones I really have much contact with is obviously my boyfriend, Bao, Christine, Alan, Jennifer, Marcus, and Nam (I notice it is mainly guys…interesting xD). >.> Most of them are in the area so it is not so bad…but hey, I miss hanging out with them (‘cept Martin…he sees me almost everyday). Whether it is just being alone with them and hanging out with them after…months? weeks? I still enjoy my time with them.  I’m actually beginning to hate AIM a lot…

It’s really really distracting and also…I wanna just talk to people in person…>.>. Starting this school year…I’ll make a lot more effort in studies…>.> stupid college apps, and meeting my friends…Why?

Simple. I want to be with them. Got a problem with that?

Bye bye!

Love you guys a lot!

{2010/08/03}   …Stuffing?

Today was great I must say.

Though the idea of America/European food kind of sickens me know…

Such large portions…

I must admit if I eat one huge meal I won’t need to eat anything the rest of the day or even bother complain I’M HUNGRY!!! FEED ME!!!, but god…it was too much. Though I still always have room for dessert. I kinda regret not getting ice cream…I could fit both ice cream and boba. *tears*

Oh well I’m glad Linh is planning to feed me dessert tomorrow morning for breakfast <3.


I LOVE DESSERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


{2010/08/01}   Tumbling xD

Now I actually prefer using tumblr…though so far it’s only a few posts on there…like a 1/12 compared to this blog but the layout is so much cuter <3.
also uploading pics on there is a lot faster and less of a hassle, but who cares i'll just use both.
That is just if you wanna see xD not much to see though. But I like the layout <3. Hehe
Now I have to see what to do with that 1 blogger, the other wordpress, 2 livejournals, and these other two….I really wonder why i made so many now….
Bye bye
Loads of Love/Like xD

So what’s up?

O.O I really have no idea what to say because…I lost what I was going to blog about over life…

Uh…Let’s see what happened over the past few days…

July 29th (Thursday):

Noon–> I had to go to the doctor’s appointment with dad.

1:00 P.M. –> Still there with kids screaming around…making me realize how much I really hate kids that don’t listen to anything I saw, and got the urge to trip the little toddlers running around.

2:00 P.M. –> At the next doctor check up with dad…Apparently my dad was really luck to not have any real major side effects from the overdose due to the pharmacist’s carelessness that they never realized till a month later that they gave my dad twice the dose. O.O Apparently this old man my dad was talking to there was given a strong medication and half of his body was paralyzed O.O.

3:00 P.M. –> Still there.

4:00 P.M. –> Washing dishes.

4:50 P.M. –> Mcdonald’s on San Felipe…xD.

5:07 P.M. –> At Evergreen Park and met Martin

End of the day –> Still up playing Sudoku knowing that Martin plays to come over at 7 in the morning, but doesn’t care and continues to play.

July 30th (Friday):

1:45 A.M. –>Starts replying to IMs…

4:00 A.M. –> decides to go to sleep….FINALLY…

7:00 A.M.ish –> Dad comes in…Martin here….

Apparently during the time Martin was here…we didn’t get to go out….

Unexpected obstacle–> Mom

Little Sister–> as of 11:27 A.M. still building the gundam model and realized there was 38 steps (She started since 7 on Friday….WTF?!)

6:55 P.M. –> Bikes to Martin with Little sister complaining the whole way, and apparently she came because we made a deal that I’d do 2 of her kumon packets (I actually liked doing it because it was all linear equations!!! SO EASY!!!)

7:34 P.M. –> Didi and Albert tells me the story of Ju and I was like =.= and just rated it a 5 out of 10…though I must say it was odd.

8:14 P.M. –> Didi and Albert were looking for the pictures they drew on the plane to cheer Martin up (and he said it was annoying).  >.> The drawings were really creepy…but funny.

8:47 P.M. –> Little sister complains as we went up some hill.

9:00 P.M. –> Amazingly came home in time despite of Little Sister wasting her breathe complaining the whole way home.

End of the day….I crashed…no sugar…

July 31st (Saturday):

7:00 A.M. –> Woke up and guess what…I was playing Sudoku until 9

9:10 A.M. –> Made coffee and updated my Tumblr and shortly afterwards this blog.

Right at this very moment:

Wonders what cruise to save up for to send parents away for 10-14 days…

Watching little sister continue making her model…

Listening to random songs…

Wants Boba tea….

Wants more coffee but dad is downstairs…

Wondering how senior year is going to end….happy? exciting? being forced to go the the graduation ceremony because mom wants me to, but dad says the only one that matters is the college one? depressing? tears? sleepy? tired?

Uh…yea…I don’t have much really to say, but I just updated my blog for the hell of it…

Oh yea…O.O hunting for Yuri to read….getting really tired of all the hentai and yaoi…though curious what hentai grossed Bao out…

On my mom’s birthday (July 24th [a Saturday]) we went to Great America!!!!!

Sadly…I accidently deleted 12 photos by accident on it *tears*. Though it was really fun, and for a few days afterwards I had constant dizzy spells and headaches. xD But who cares!!!!

The song on this AMV is kind addicting ^

Anyways that is a short part of my life as of 2 months of not updating….

Though earlier than this…

Bao, Eddie, Edwin, Marcus, Justin (spelled it right?), and me went to evergreen inn (I always though that place was always a pub) to eat. O.O

My little sister and I’ve been visiting/picking up Christine and Elizabeth and happen to Laban on one of those days. And Michelle too. Hmm…Also Christine, Marcus, Little sister, and me been having water fights!!!! It was fun the first time but it was no fair only Marcus got the water balloons to pop on us on contact!!!!!!!! GRRR!!!! Though the bag of water was the best xD!!!

I still like your shampoo and condition Christine!!!!!!!!

Uh….is that all?

Oh…Ashley is still cute though lil sister is beginning to have 2nd thoughts about her because she is quite competitive, but she is still cute and light too.

Uh…xD that is all…excuse the improper usage of english as well as spelling…

Bye bye!!!!

{2010/07/27}   OMG

I finally blog once again after months!!!! Literally months!!!!! Hmm…so far the only thing thats changed is I’m having a summer full of work. Sadly I’ve been actually studying this short fine summer. and school is about to start in like…3 weeks!!!!!!!


Bye bye

I’m gonna use tumblr too…. Reminds me…I have two livejournals… and I lost the password for the other wordpress account….how sad.

{2010/05/31}   The Painful Fun

All I could remember was the long line of over dressed people standing before me, and sliding past them to get the very front. Once we entered, I saw faces I never saw before. Once we entered the building, we found some people who look cute, and others that just terrible (And I meant just terrible).  Though shortly after we enter, we were asked to wait in line for another hour until we could enter the ballroom. All I could feel was the sharp pain from my 1.5 inch heels. Rather than standing in line, my friends and I ran off to line up for the photo booth. I felt a sharp pain continuously stabbing my lower abdomen, and my feet stinging. Good thing the photos came out nicely, but god I look scary. We finally entered the ballroom and were seated down. My friends and I devoured the food like hungry beast (Okay, to be exact I meant quickly). Shortly after we ran out to take more pictures, and there I met my cousin standing there (All I felt was the urge to punch him) beside his girlfriend. My friends and I entered the photo booth again, taking silly photos out of boredom of standing in line for an hour. After that we ran back inside the ballroom, hid our things, and ran to the dance floor. It was hot and heavy. The only thing you could hear was the music, and see sexual couples all over (I would not be surprised if one happen to be doing it right in the middle of the dance floor). Though we are supposedly good girls, we join them just we had to dance we each other. Then a friend and I slipped out desiring air. We ended up sitting at the bar listening the soothing  music being played on the piano. In the end, we ran back to the dance floor and threw ourselves away to the music forgetting that tomorrow will never come. -.-

Maybe next year I’ll try again, but I want flats. ;D

{2010/03/21}   New Songs xD

Though these songs are pretty mainstream in Korea xD it is fun to listen to.

I want you back –> Secret (lol)

What A Girl Wants –> 4minute xD

Because of You –> After School D;

Like the Beginning –> T-ara >.> (creepy just kind of funny to watch xD)

Time to Love –> T-ara & Supernova  ;]

Can’t Let You Go Even if I Die –> 2 A.M.  :[

I’m a Loner –> CN Blue Dx

Love Like This –> SS501 …-.-‘

I keep replaying these songs while doing homework alone lately…

Sigh…>.> I keep getting in trouble…no more hanging around with friends for a while >.>. Though the week was enjoyable…it passed quite quickly. I probably will not be missing any of my high school friends since I have to see them on a daily basis (not being mean). I’ll just miss hanging with the college freshmen, and their siblings (which include: Bao, Nam, Teresa, Marcus and…I am too lazy to list the rest LOL [the rest may include: Kevin, Saurav, Thanh, Didi, Albert, Ashley, etc…………). Yes >.> I will miss Martin…a LOT…sigh……

During this time I guess I should study harder especially for upcoming AP Exams, and SAT (damn it parents…I want 2200…I actually want a new car lol….but, I wonder if I can get $50,000 instead….lol)

Chao xD

{2010/03/05}   Time to spare

     I remember how would always say, “I rather stay as a child than grow up.”

     It is true that being a child was fun, but when you think of those times you have nothing to do, you find things to do that some may find nasty or weird when they grow older >.>

     When I was elementary school, my friends and me would always be lookin for roly-polys, lady bugs, and digging for worms. We would huddle together in the corner of Matstumoto gathering our bugs into one little corner, building little leave houses for them. In class, we would play with silk worms, and hide roly polys in our pencil sharpnes. Though one day we spilled roly polys in class, so we had to stop that >.> (it was fun knowing them in class).

     Now I think back, why don’t I even do that anymore. Well I have time to occupy myself with other means like supposely “studying like a studious student aiming for a 4.0” (totally b.s for me now xD), hanging out with friends/family/boyfriend, or the computer (bless the internet).

     It never occured to me how I should be happy about having something to occupy my time until the essay we were forced to write in AP Literature. The author of the passage would talk about what children would do if they were completely idle, and I was like, that was so me then [hunting for bugs, poking spiders bellies (scared of spiders now), and etc]. He would criticize how adults or teens would complain how easy kids have it, but having nothing to do is really boring (I cannot believe I am saying I rather choose work over idleness).

    Though that does not stop me from wishing to be a child again. I just want to for the fun times, even now it is fun, but the innocence fun was more enjoyable, now it is just dirty in every way, or gossip, and etc (maybe kids should start telling us to grow up).

Time to get back to work…oddly Fireflies, and Naturally are becoming insanely addicting, but MARIA is still better xD.

Toodle loo. xD <– I hope I spelled that right

et cetera